A Champagne Breakfast

feat Nathi Thathe

It’s the 21^st of March, Human Rights day, and as we, as a people and a nation, loosely ponder all that we have gained in the last 20 odd years my thoughts however were more on my loss. My father had passed away close to a decade ago to the day.

I still mourn the potential, the relationship we could have had.

As I got older and laid a significant portion of my teenage arrogance aside I had come to realize just how much I wished my father was around to advise me, to guide me and just nje. I found my thoughts and sympathies often drifting towards my mother. Having loved and lost I cannot imagine the permanence of losing a man with whom I’d had a relationship spanning 40 years with. But these were some of the thoughts running through my head the morning of the 21^st. I was also running late for a champagne breakfast at a friends’ house and looked forward to some light-headedness to curb what could have ended up as an overly introspective day.

While waiting for some of the guests to arrive Nathi, Palesa, Mbali, Thabisa, Kb and I popped our first bottle of bubbly to ease the anxiety. It was well past 11:30, we were famished and beyond edgy. At some point we started talking about how taxing the reality in which we live in had become. A reality where its so hard to fall inlove or incrush without someone quipping, “Oh ubani bani. He used to date/sleep with ubani bani.”

Try imagine a reality where the sexual liberation never took place.  

By sexual liberation I am referring to the included increased acceptance of sex outside of traditional heterosexual, monogamous relationships, primarily marriage. With the woman’s possessive nature coupled with a mans pride how are we not making our lives considerably more complicated and our relationships and connections significantly harder to maintain and nurture. And lets not forget how more prone to drama we have become as a result. In a past conversation with a brother of mine, he sarcastically said that womens lib was the greatest thing to have ever happened to men. That women even fought to be seen just as sexual beings with the ability to have one or countless other sexual partners at choice without the said man or men having to court her or show her any ‘respects’ other than the fulfilling her need was a great advancement for the average man who relished such a reality. Sex, with no strings attached. In between these soirees we fall inlove, deeply and its meaningful but at some point or another your persons past will confront you. You could find yourself seated right across them at the next chill session. The awkwardness is inevitable and sometimes its temporary, thankfully. But with all these extras how do we make our relationships grow stronger and refuse to be undermined by individuals who won’t let the past be just that, the past. I spoke to my newly wed friend also hostess, Nathi, hoping to get some insight.

How long have you and hubby been married?

(A thoughtful pause ensues) Since 5 Dec 2010. So it’s been 1 year and 3 months.

How long had you dated before him finally making an honest woman out of you?

 Forever. (No pause.)

What unusual hardships do you think modern relationships bare?

I don’t know about unusual *chuckles* but there’s the general getting used to your partners habits. Habits that really test your patience.

What is your secret ingredient or what considerations do you employ in your relationship?

Being a good listener and peacemaker. Generally learning to be the bigger person and not squabbling over petty matters. There’s always a bigger picture to consider. Also when you’re in a relationship you must realize that you’re playing for the same side and there’s no he or I must prove a point. Whenever you’re in a situation where you feel like “Ja, I showed him” or that you came out on top of an argument you should realize that you’ve both just lost. I also make a particular effort to put out fires, I like to keep a conflict free space. After all, what could be home than that.

Come 1:30 (yes a breakfast at 1:30. Blacks.) we decided enough was enough. Despite being short 3 more guests, the eggs were scrambled and bottle no 2 popped. Breakfast was great, traditional but with some great touches. There was the mushroom and onion marmalade mixture and an avo salsa with sweet peppers. I had never had honey and oats bread before and I am upset that such a divine expression of almighty bread was kept away from me! And Low GI nogal!

 

Its always great fun chilling with Thabisa and Nathi and its always that much more delightful with Thabisa’s kids there. Naomi, pretty as a picture and Amaru, such a gentle young boy.

On the way back home, I concluded that, despite the ever-evolving terrain of the male and female status quos, that there are things that we want and will always need from each other. As to what those could be, now that sounds like another meal and another post.

Until then.