feat Vuyiswa Mutshekwane
Its the Saturday
before the Sunday feast and my Saturday began as it usually does, which is at The
Neighbourgoods Market. The 1st portion of the day was spent catching up with
the girl, Mk and that was followed by an early dinner with friends at
Parkhurst. What was going to be a small Sunday lunch the following day, doubled
in size as the table got beeger and the wine kept flowing. The next
morning, I think we all woke up asking ourselves, who hadn't we invited over
for lunch. As guests slowly arrived, from new friends to old faces I was
relieved to see that everybody had in fact brought a dish or at the very least
brought ingredients' to make their dishes there. There were quite a few mothers
at the luncheon further illustrating how grown we really are. When every
other friend is married and/or has children you knowing you're comfortably in
the terrain where you can now throw around the phrase, "I'm a grown ass
woman!"Sesibhadala yo! and the culinary skills were a testament to
that.
MK did her best to avoid the camera but we see you
THE FOOD.
THE FOOD AND THE PEOPLE.
Being around all those
mothers I couldn't help but wonder how each grappled with their new role.
Honestly, its been a lot to take in and I still am processing and living.
Motherhood has had a lot to do with my coming to terms with the fact that you I
am a mother full-stop. It was and still is about gradually coming to the
understanding and acceptance that I can't compartmentalize my various roles
like I had done so in the past. When before, there was the I as well as the
sister and daughter, I was never all these roles all the time, just some of the
time. When you're a Mom its something you consider all the time. Theres a modus
operandi and there are expectations of how you will act now vs how you would
have behaved in the past. Not just by others but a higher bar that you have for
yourself because what child has never at some point said "When I have kids
I would or I would never ... ". Theres almost a lifetime of behavioral
expectations one builds up without even realising it. I've always liked to
think of the title of Mother and Father as something one aspires to, kinda like
what it means when someone calls themselves a Christiaan. Which by definition
is to be Christ like. So imagine that Mom/Father was a deity with all those
lovely attributes like patience, love, kindness, protectiveness, wisdom etc etc
and that to call yourself Mom or Dad is a commitment to try be all of that.
Simply put I believe that mother/fatherhood is a journey. The journey is about
going to places within yourself that will constantly draw whoever you are right
now, closer to the aforementioned attributes as you become one with that
greater calling.
viemyselfandi.blogspot.com
1. How long have you been a mother?
Officially
7 months now ... .
2. I don't know about you but I got a plethora of advice.
Mothers and non mothers alike had alot to say and contribute. What are some of
the pearls you got but also what didn't they tell you?
I also
got a lot of advice; a combination of old wives tales, horror stories and just
plain old lies but what I've realised that is that it's totally different for
everyone and you just have to be yourself. Do it your way. Don't
get caught up in all the pressure of how you SHOULD be doing it or the fact
that you're expected to be some kind of (size 6) super hero a week into it.
We were
probably all dropped as babies at least once and (most of us) turned out just
fine.
3. How have you found the balancing act that is motherhood? Are
you still the same ol' Vie? If not how are you different now as supposed to how
you were then?
I'm
constantly still trying to find the balance. If I had it my way, I'd
probably just spend the whole day lying on my back looking at my son. I
am DEFINITELY not the "same ol Vie" - my life has gotten so much
simpler - in a good way - I've really just learnt how to put things into perspective.
I think I've also become a lot calmer... because once you've dealt with a
baby screaming at you for 2 hours between 3 and 5 am for no apparent reason you
really learn how to tap into that happy place. I'm just so zen now.
Lol!!
4. What would you say you've learnt about yourself ever since
becoming a mother?
That I'm
not as selfish as I thought... I used to think it'd be impossible for me to
whole heartedly put someone else's needs before my own but as it turns out such
is not the case. Also, apparently I CAN survive on 4 hours of sleep a day
without completely unravelling. Who woulda thunk it?
5. What is your overall feeling about being a parent?
I think
I can safely say t's my biggest accomplishment yet & the best decision I
ever made.
6. Do you have a parenting philosophy? Or maybe what you want
your son to come out with as far as the type of individual you would like him
to be?
My
philosophy is that there is only so much you can teach your child, or rather,
there's only so much you can mould them - the rest they just have to learn from
life. I just hope that he grows up into a discerning individual who can
take the good stuff out of what life has to teach him.
7. Why the name Amani?
Amani is
a Swahili name - it means "Peace" or "Peaceful". I
always knew that I wanted a Swahili name because I wanted my child to be
"pan African" (lol!! it sounds so corny right now). I also
wanted a name with a good meaning that people wouldn't be automatically
inclined to want to shorten so it just fit. He didn't have a name for the
first week of his life cuz I wanted to meet him first and get a feel for him
before giving him a name and "peaceful" really is an apt name for
him.
Lol at "Pan
African"!
Its crazy how every
aspect of your life has something to draw you back to that reality though. The
reality being, "I got a kid!" I'll sometimes be rummaging through my
bag looking for something, toss out all the contents and instead of my hand
cream I would have mistakenly taken my son's bum cream and there it goes
"Boom! I got a kid!" or after a day at the mall I'll open my boot to
put the days splurges away only to find that its fully occupied. My son's pram,
still in the boot. "Boom! I got a kid!"There are also the times, when
even after he's tucked in for the night and his toys neatly packed away into
his toy box, I'll, with a glass of wine in hand, slowly sink into the couch and
feel something stabbing at me from in between the cushions and "BOOM! I
got a kid!". Lastly, theres me on the phone chatting away, mindlessly
walking from my parking bay to my house. I'm still on the phone as I enter the
door when suddenly my son shrieks "Mam!" and "Boom! I got a
kid!". Tl tl tl. That though has gotta be my favourite BOOM!
The sunday feastings
have definitely been a highlight in my calendar.
A special thanks to
Tebogo Leshilo for hosting. xoxo
Feast!
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