Baggage Reclaim

 “The windows of our hearts and minds are streaked with past pains and hurts, past memories and disappointments. The windows are so clouded by fear, self-doubt, and inaccurate information that the light of love cannot shine through. In the meantime, we keep looking through the foggy window, trying to convince ourselves that what we see is the real thing. It's not, and we know it, but we can't seem to figure out what to do until the real thing comes along. What we must do is clean. We must clean the windows, floors, walls, closets, and corners of our mind. We must mop and sweep away the stuff that trips us up, keeps us confused, and makes the meantime miserable.” excerpt from In the Meantime by Iyanla Vanzart.

Its time for some emotional spring-cleaning people!

The time off or in between relationships is a great time to do just this. There’s also something about spring and reinvention. It’s the season of new beginnings, the season when flowers bloom. Go with nature and take some time to truthfully assess the success or failure rate of your relationships. By failure I don’t mean a relationship simply ending but more the truthful assessment of the quality of that experience. The one thing all your relationships have in common is you. Instead of blaming ex dudes for treating you badly if most of your relationships are riddled with that kind of drama then you need to ask yourself why is it you keep attracting and dating dudes who treat you like shit. Take the time to identify your behavioral patterns just so you can see and better understand how you contribute to the negative outcomes in your life and then begin to systematically check yourself! 

Watch the contradictions and don’t let feeling allow you to compromise. 

Leopards cannot change their spots so chances are, how he treats you during the later portion of the relationship is how he most likely treated you earlier on as well.  It’s just that, now, the rose tinted glasses have been retired and you've finally sobered up from that drunken stupor that often comes with new love. Admit it, how many times have you admitted, even if it was to yourself and your God, I shoulda seen this coming, the "signs" were there. We’d sometimes rather prioritise feeling until we’re feeling a little too much. Until what you’re feeling is … well not quite as pleasant.

I think we women often over value how we feel about some one and a situation and we come out of what should have been a nurturing, sexy, fun and loving exchange feeling either pissed off, betrayed, compromised, at a loss, ugly and/or feenin. Yep, that’s feenin like a drug fiend. When you know you should stay away but it hurts so bad you just want to fall back into those arms for another fix of that temporary and over valued affection.

Sometimes its hard for one to even enjoy the freedoms of being single because you’re anxious to move on to the next engagement often because you want to fill that "gap" as quickly as you can or you just want to avoid dealing with the mess of the last relationship. 

If at any point you can not comfortably be, stay and enjoy being single then you must be willing to consider that you’re lugging around some kind of emotional baggage. One should feel complete and content with them selves. You should try love and enjoy your own company first before wanting to share that with anybody else.

“Would you date yourself?” 

I think an honest response to this question is often a good litmus test of whether you’re ready to be in a relationship or if emotional spring-cleaning is needed.

Emotional spring-cleaning is something one needs to do for themselves. 

This post just talks about that process within the context of relationships. 

For your mental sanity you should spring clean. 

In order to attract, be in and maintain mentally sane relationships with yourself, family, friends and lovers you should spring clean. 

I'd like to leave you with a verse from Ms Badu;

bag lady you goin’ hurt your back/ dragging all ‘em bags like that/ I guess nobody ever told you/All you must hang on to/Is you, is you, is you.

Pack light. Emotional baggage stands in the way of you truly being & realizing YOU.

Feast!