HOOT if you're the one!

I could easily blame the pain killers for this past Sundays chosen spot to feast but I wont. I will instead hope that you will not judge me.  Just a couple blocks from my abode lay Hooters. When, good friend and peoples, the lion of jozi, picked me up I had sushi in mind but curiosity got the better of us and so here we were with one liter beer pitchers glaring at us. 

Truth be told, a typical exchange with Lionel can range from anywhere from insightful cum inspiring to straight out upsetting. Here is someone who prides himself in being brutually honest and dare I say sometimes relishes the aftermath probably more than he should. Thankfully this Sundays conversation was as insightful as it was relevant. “The one” cue in organ.

A day after the Sunday lunch with Lion, I caught the last couple minutes of human behavioral specialist, Dr John DeMartini’s interview on Mzansi Magics My top 10 at 10 where he said, “Every relationship is by default until something better comes along.” That kinda stung, I far better enjoyed and prefer the whole “it just wasn’t meant to be” line but I’m a grown up now and that has its realities and truths and this certainly being one of them. In the last couple of days I was counsel to a man ending a 5 year relationship and a woman ending her own decade long relationship with another, both in love with their respective partners at the time of the decision. These were individuals who were clear as to their purpose for dating and that was ultimately to get married. At some point, say after a couple months to a year I honestly believe you should be able to answer the following question honestly, “Is he/she the one?” to those less comfortable with the term “the one” I’ll rephrase, “Do you want and see yourself spending the rest of your life with this person?” I realize that the pursuit of a life partner is not what we are all after and looking for in all our encounters but it seems logical that you should know what it is you want from a relationship before you begin one noh? So for those who go into relationships with the hopes of finding that elusive soul mate its only logical that after sufficient time with another that you take the time out to truthfully ask yourselves, “Well, is this it?”

It is sometimes an inconvenient truth, the response to this question. Now, years later, emotional foundations are set, you love this person and despite yourself you just can’t make this stick. They have been good to you, you have been good together but the fact that you’re even considering breaking up with them just goes to show, not good enough.
They say nothing of the senses will satisfy the soul like a thank you and I love you but I think I’d pick the “I love you” and pass on the “Thank you but no thanks”. I don’t envy anybody the end of a relationship but am I wrong in saying that, if we asked ourselves this pivotal question say 6months or a year into a relationship we could save so many good men and women out there a little less devastation? Some of you may think that it may be too soon to ask that question but if there’s even a sliver of hope that you may know and prevent what ends up a 5 year relationship that was 3.5 years too long from happening than I think that karmically you’d be in a better place. •long dramatic sigh• Alas we are emotionally irresponsible beings working with a dulled concept of mercy.

Here's another DeMartini insight; we all have a responsibility to offer a value but never at the expense of our own and so, I guess, we leave our spouses, break up with our partners and leave our families so that we may pursue that value elsewhere. What is this value? Who is this value and what wouldn’t we do to obtain it? I respect men and women who consider things, I also respect the man and woman that walks away to pursue their own because they have given you back your freedom so that you can do the same. A not so gentle nudge, sure, but try your wings and see where it takes you and also, but only if you dare, try a side of the Daytona Beach wings from Hooters, curly fries and onion rings ;-) 
What can I say, better indigestion over heartbreak any day!

Feast!

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