I could easily blame the pain killers for this past Sundays
chosen spot to feast but I wont. I will instead hope that you will not
judge me. Just a couple blocks
from my abode lay Hooters. When, good friend and peoples, the lion of jozi, picked
me up I had sushi in mind but curiosity got the better of us and so here we
were with one liter beer pitchers glaring at us.
Truth be told, a typical
exchange with Lionel can range from anywhere from insightful cum inspiring to straight
out upsetting. Here is someone who prides himself in being brutually honest and
dare I say sometimes relishes the aftermath probably more than he should.
Thankfully this Sundays conversation was as insightful as it was relevant. “The
one” cue in organ.
A day after the Sunday lunch with
Lion, I caught the last couple minutes of human behavioral specialist, Dr John DeMartini’s interview on Mzansi
Magics My top 10 at 10 where he said, “Every relationship is by default until
something better comes along.” That kinda stung, I far better enjoyed and prefer
the whole “it just wasn’t meant to be” line but I’m a grown up now and that
has its realities and truths and this certainly being one of them. In the last
couple of days I was counsel to a man ending a 5 year relationship and a woman
ending her own decade long relationship with another, both in love with their
respective partners at the time of the decision. These were individuals who
were clear as to their purpose for dating and that was ultimately to get
married. At some point, say after a couple months to a year I honestly believe
you should be able to answer the following question honestly, “Is he/she the
one?” to those less comfortable with the term “the one” I’ll rephrase, “Do you
want and see yourself spending the rest of your life with this person?” I
realize that the pursuit of a life partner is not what we are all after and
looking for in all our encounters but it seems logical that you should know
what it is you want from a relationship before you begin one noh? So for those
who go into relationships with the hopes of finding that elusive soul mate its
only logical that after sufficient time with another that you take the time out
to truthfully ask yourselves, “Well, is this it?”
It is sometimes an inconvenient
truth, the response to this question. Now, years later, emotional foundations
are set, you love this person and despite yourself you just can’t make this
stick. They have been good to you, you have been good together but the fact
that you’re even considering breaking up with them just goes to show, not good
enough.
They say nothing of the senses will satisfy the soul like a
thank you and I love you but I think I’d pick the “I love you” and pass on the
“Thank you but no thanks”. I don’t envy anybody the end of a relationship but
am I wrong in saying that, if we asked ourselves this pivotal question say
6months or a year into a relationship we could save so many good men and women
out there a little less devastation? Some of you may think that it may be too
soon to ask that question but if there’s even a sliver of hope
that you may know and prevent what ends up a 5 year relationship that was 3.5
years too long from happening than I think that karmically you’d be in a better
place. •long dramatic sigh• Alas we are emotionally irresponsible
beings working with a dulled concept of mercy.
Here's another DeMartini insight; we all have a responsibility to
offer a value but never at the expense of our own and so, I guess, we leave our
spouses, break up with our partners and leave our families so that we may
pursue that value elsewhere. What is this value? Who is this value and what
wouldn’t we do to obtain it? I respect men and women who consider things, I also respect the man and woman that walks away to pursue their own because they have
given you back your freedom so that you can do the same. A not so gentle nudge,
sure, but try your wings and see where it takes you and also, but only if you dare, try a side of the Daytona Beach wings from Hooters, curly fries and onion rings ;-)
What can I say, better indigestion over
heartbreak any day!
Feast!
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