A Change is Gonna Come


2012 has been accompanied with a lot of doors closing, some involuntarily and others at will. No matter the reason or circumstances I can honestly say that its all been for the best. I am definitely better for every closed and new chapter of this year. With so much change happening in my life I’ve experienced a rollercoaster range of emotions in such a short space of time. A range that's been reflective of my best and worst characteristics.

My most recent change was my leaving a company that I had been with for the last 6 years.
The fear that clutched at my heart as I prepared to hand in my notice was unexpected. This was a change that I had on some level wanted but still it wasn’t easy saying those words to your employer of 5 years 10 months ‘Its over. Its not you its me. I need to grow and I don’t think I can do that here... not anymore.” Tl tl tl. It had me thinking though about how some of us are particularly resistant to change, scared of the unknown perhaps. Scared to leave a lover, scared to change your career, scared to put yourself out there and ask or grab what you most desire. Sound familiar?

A friend of mine has been kicking it with a guy for the last couple months and quite frankly she wants more but is scared to put her feelings on the table. She's already resigned herself to the assumption that he doesn't want more. I think she feels like she is going against some initial contract and I also believe that she is scared. What if the change she wants and is feenin for is not what he wants. Better what they have now than nothing at all right? Better to remain as less, than request more and end up with none, right? 
Did you hear that? 
That resounding no from the universe? 
You didn't? 
Thats cool cos I did. 
A change gonna come and I think its better to be at the helm rather than find yourself passenger on an emotional trip you didn't sign up for. From the moment she felt/decided that she wanted more, change was in motion. They could never be as they were again. Why fight it and why fight yourself? Of course like most women she was scared of bringing a very serious "We need to talk ... " into what was once a casual affair. Better to casually say, "Hey. Wanna go check out the next room with me?"then to remain in something that is clearly not fulfilling you anymore. By casually putting it down, if you'd still like to ahem then the door isn't shut closed. A tiny nudge and you're back in the bedroom. tltltl 
I believe in compromise. I'd go as far as to say that balance is a euphemism for compromise. Its the even distribution of the ideal outcome vs the worst possible outcome and as long as you can live with it with no remorseful cries to your girlfriends afterwards than go for it. One of the 3 markings of Buddhist philosophy is Annica or Impermanence. Its basic premise is that there is a transitory nature to all things. The only constant is change yet human beings are creatures of habit who strive for stability. Stability which is the lasting nature of things, a changelessness. 
This is just breeding ground for internal and external conflict as far as I'm concerned but how to handle that conflict?
Well, there's a change management model by Kurt Lewin that, simplistically put, states that change has 3 phases. The 1st is called Unfreeze. This phase is about getting ready for change. Actually preparing yourself instead of fleeing running away from essentially your own shadow. Imagine if you could ideally create a situation in which you wanted the change.
The 2nd is Transition. Accepting that change is a process. And that it will take time but its gradual and its happening or you’re doing it. Thatta girl! At this point you are unfrozen, free from the clutches of the stagnant, the old, the unfulfilled, the … (insert adjective here) and moving towards a new way of being. The 3rd is Refreezing, which is the stage where you stabilize yourself in your new being, have established some routine and are now reinforcing the change etc. My process is usually to weigh the pro's and cons. I try think of what I have to gain vs what I've lost. I mantra the shit out of myself about how this is the best thing for me and that I haven't made a mistake and then I get about with trying to live and be that change. That dear friends is Nandi Dlepu's Change Management Model. I know I've digressed a tad but it was relevant, I swear it.

After the dirty business of resigning was done my thoughts quickly turned to my farewell. I decided I wanted to have my farewell at The Cube Tasting Kitchen.
8 courses, 4 bottles of wine and 5 hours.This is not a quick in and out dinner. People! Do not make plans to do anything after having dinner here. You will fail. Friends and loved ones will be left bitterly disappointed because doing anything afterwards is an effort, picking up the phone to cancel is an effort. I am not kidding.

Upon making your reservation, Dario sends you that months menu not only to whet your appetite but also to help you pair the food with the appropriate wines. They also provides you with their recommendations. No alcohol is sold at the establishment and they don't charge a corkage fee.
The menu changes every 4/5 weeks and the dishes are innovative. Ostrich with beetroot, prune, berry, cream cheese and cranberry, quail with aubergine, onion, ham and fig and tuna with ginger, chic pea, pickle, spring onion are just 3 of the 8 dishes I had that evening. At the 4th course I knew there was no way I could go with my initial selection for desert which was the cheese, chevre, apple, mint and cinnamon and instead changed my order to the cucumber ice which was utterly refreshing! Crushed ice, cucumber and sugar I think. Nom nom. Twas just what I needed after all that decadence!

All in all it was lovely adieu as I bid my family of the last couple years good bye. My colleagues often joke about how unsentimental I am and maybe thats true but just so they know, some heart strings were pulled during that farewell dinner perhaps not a full melody but one or two notes. hehehe

In closing, change is inevitable, embrace it. Here's to actively changing our lives and who we are so that we are better and bigger than we were before the journey.

Feast!







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